when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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