dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
