So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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