Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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