i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Mom said you looked used
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
