Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
