First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize