ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize