I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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