drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
