where does the pee come out of this thing
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize