Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
