I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
