i permit you to call me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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