we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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