Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just tell him i said nine months
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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