I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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