i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
