Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
