I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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