I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
