We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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