We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
