Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
