Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
