You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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