i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize