You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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