I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
