it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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