it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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