I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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