it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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