Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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