So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
