I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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