The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Someone shit on the floor
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
