I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
