remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
