What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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