God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
