Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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