I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
