if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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