Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
