What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
