I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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