The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize