Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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