you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
