I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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