I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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