I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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