so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
