thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
