i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize