So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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