Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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