My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
