i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
