i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize