ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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