You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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