Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
