Sponge bath it is.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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