im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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