Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
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