you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
