I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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