Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
