how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
