After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize