I'm drive I can fine osifer
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Help. Why am I so naked?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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