chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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