things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
