Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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