I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
