Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Randomize
