I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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