I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
