Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
