If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
