We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
