happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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